I'm sorry

I hate to do this but

To tell you the truth, writing and talking about my day makes me feel insecure and ridiculous. Having to write about things I don't take pride in, shameful things. Or just another bad day, after another and after another. Sometimes I refuse reading my friends' blog, reading my emails, or simply looking at the photos on Facebook. It only makes it harder. I'm sorry I've been one selfish person. But I always think this could've been easier. But really it's not. I've been lying to myself with the whole 'look at the brightside' shit. Works perfectly, but only temporary. I don't know how to talk about my feelings anymore. It's so hard. After being in denial for so long, I'm starting to believe myself.

I found happiness walking around the mall, looking at clothes, spending money on jeans I don't need. I look at people as potential friends. I spent my days waiting for the weekend and the next weekend and the next. All this while, I've always been myself and it kills me how useless and petty I felt for the past few months just by being myself. 

I am really messed up. The worst thing is, I really feel nothing. I can go over tomorrow laughing at jokes, getting an assignment done, or having random conversation and still feel absolutely nothing.

Sorry, I might not always be there.

What's your favorite color?
Grey.